Life is what you make it. I recently moved from a quiet town in the country to chase my big city dreams. Nothing ever goes smoothly, nothing is ever what it seems, but everyday I am getting closer. I am yet another slightly less-than-average girl trying to find her way in London, and in life.

Wednesday, 30 November 2011

RANT ALERT! Dear Channel 4...

I was unlucky enough tonight to catch the first episode of one of E4's new high-quality dramas. Now, I'm not a 'reality' TV hater by any means; I enjoy Made In Chelsea; have big love for Shipwrecked and can just about sit through an episode of The Only Way Is Essex. I was starting to consider myself a fan and had quite a few guilty pleasures tucked under my belt.

That was until I watched this new corker of a show, the ingeniously titled (pat on the back to whoever came up with this gem) Desperate Scousewives. It's safe to say the name is wholly appropriate as you'd have to be seriously fucking desperate to watch it.

From the very beginning where supposed 'player' Joe kicks out the latest idiot who thinks he's attractive, I just could not stand it. The thing that struck me the most is how absolutely appalling the acting is - for a show that's posed as reality, you'd think they'd spend a bit more time making it slightly believable. Everything was scripted, stupid and boring. If it's going to be made badly at least make sure there's something in the content that makes up for it.

The only vaguely bearable character is 'bitchy' blogger Jaiden (who still has the acting ability of a Shepherds Pie). However he got minimal screen time in this first episode, and even if he was promised the whole hour in the next episode I still wouldn't bother watching it.

I'm usually sympathetic towards TV shows and try to find some redeemable qualities. Unforunately Desperate Scousewives is simply nothing but trash that should never have been inflicted upon the world. How could it ever possibly have seemed like a good idea to commission a show that is simply, no other way of putting it, so bloody awful?

I know Channel 4's trying to compete with ITV and get the TOWIE viewers, but this is just not the answer. Please, I beg you, stop wasting my time, your (obviously tiny) budget and give us something vaguely decent. Yes, I enjoy easy, fragmented viewing that I don't have to think about too much but when I get better conversation and intellectual depth from my fish, I think it's a safe bet that you've gone too far. As in down the rabbit hole, out the other end and nesting in Tweedledum and Tweedledee's skin folds.

I really, truly hope that my misguided faith in mankind prevails and this show is a flop. I don't think I can live in a world where a show like Desperate Scousewives is successful.

I really wanted to write a decent fleshed out review on this show and give it the benefit of the doubt, but honestly the more I sit here, remembering last nights events and trying to write just something that doesn't make me sound like a patronising toff, the more braincells I can feel slipping out of my ears. It is completely impossible for me to objectively look at a show like Desperate Scousewives with anything but hatred. The men are arrogant, vain and have nothing going for them. The women are even worse for finding something about them to pine over and the only opinions they seem capable of forming relate to the orangeness of their skin. 

These 'stars' need to be taken somewhere far far away from humanity and very quietly live their lives, not being filmed for so-called 'entertainment'. And rob them of their spray tan, false lashes and eyebrow pencils, because I'm just mean like that. 

I have no choice but to state that Desperate Scousewives is an awful show. It is the one thing I've seen in a very long time that I honestly cannot stand, and I like to think I'm pretty forgiving with these things and can see past a lot of flaws. But I can't indulge myself in blissful escapism when everyone on screen makes me angrier than the last. I can't look past the shoddy (to be sympathetic) acting and appreciate the humour as with TOWIE, or the lifestyle as with Made In Chelsea because Desperate Scousewives has a blatant lack of either. 

If Channel 4 commissioned this to ensure that I avoid Liverpool and all of its inhabitants then well done, it did a smashing job. I just feel sorry for anyone else who lives there who (shock!) isn't a massive stereotype, screaming out from under a cloud of spray tan that there is something good about the city and its people. Because all Desperate Scousewives managed to do in that hour was make me fret for the state of television, society and 100% put me off ever venturing up north.

Congratulations Channel 4, you just officially made TOWIE look high-end.


  1. OMG!
    well, first of let me say, thanks for joining my site :)
    And yes! i totally agree with you. i never like reality shows either. don't know why it's such a hit here in U.S.
    Have you heard of "real wives of orange county...and such...well there's so many version of them. And they are even worse! All they do is bitch at each other on national TV, Huh! not to mention "the jersey shore"
    gosh, fankly there is nothing to watch on TV anymore.
    Thanks to Netflix, i can pick what i really want to watch, like intersesting stories or documentaries where we can broaden our knowledge not making people dumb with this stupid reality show! :0.....well goodluck on your rant :) i hope your station hear you out.

  2. lol, I agree with you, reality TV is pure trash... I can't stand anything with media whores in it haha

  3. I can't believe there are so many versions of the same show on at the moment. I swear the only thing that changes in them is location.

  4. I know exactly what you all mean, I do not understand how people can enjoy these shows at all. I can put up with some just because they're so bad its funny, but Desperate Scousewives (along with Jersey Shore I imagine, I've never seen it) just reaches new levels of low. I'm going to take a risk of sounding just like my dad and say what is the world coming to?! Sigh xx