Life is what you make it. I recently moved from a quiet town in the country to chase my big city dreams. Nothing ever goes smoothly, nothing is ever what it seems, but everyday I am getting closer. I am yet another slightly less-than-average girl trying to find her way in London, and in life.

Thursday, 8 December 2011

The Thing: "Burn it!"

I'm going to point out that I've not seen the original Thing so my opinion won't hold much weight here. But it also means that I don't have the displeasure of having to compare the two which is a definite bonus.

I chose the quote above for a couple of reasons. One, it sums up the entire film in two words. Save yourself the time of going to watch it and just remember the number one rule - no matter what happens, have your flame thrower at the ready and if you're a young white female you'll be okay. If you're not... well let's not go there. Secondly, and most importantly, "burn it" is exactly what should be done to this film.

As The Thing is advertised as a horror I was expecting at least once to be scared or concerned or care or just feel any kind of emotion. There was such a lack of suspense in this film that the jumpy moments just fell completely flat I really couldn't have cared who lived or died (except from Jonas, but that was purely down to the awesomeness of his beard instead of anything like actual character development). And I just got bored with the same old cat and mouse chase of "oh there's a bad guy!" *insert flame thrower*, repeat for an hour and a half. The violence was tedious, predictable and ultimately dissatisfying. If the our leading lady had gone up in flames I may have raised an eyebrow, but don't be silly: she's young, thin, supposedly attractive and American, of course she couldn't die. Yawn.

Maybe I'm wrong but if I was an alien hell-bent on taking over the world, I would focus on trying to secretly copy as many people as possible without making myself known. This guy instead decided he'd have more fun just hacking up the humans and really didn't put much effort in to being a little more conspicuous. Being as these people are meant to be scientists, they don't half lack any notion of common sense. That is the most surprising thing about this film, somehow even though the scientists are completely idiotic, the Thing somehow manages to be even worse. I don't blame him to be honest, I mean who wants to be stealthy and go for world domination when blood and gore and punching through peoples chests is so much more fun? Though, it kind of makes the whole plot of the film completely pointless and redundant...

I know this review has been really short but if I actually try and delve in to it then I'll just get angry, ramble and it won't be pretty. Plus I don't want to give what is a crap film the time of day of having my attention. It makes me feel better knowing I haven't fully done it justice and completely ripped the shit in to it like I should, just like it did to the original.

Recommend to a friend? If you haven't seen the first one like me, then it's your average sci-fi goryness that vaguely holds your attention for a while but is easily forgotten when you walk out the door. But if you have seen the original, which the group of people I went with all had, then the general consensus was not good at all.

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