Life is what you make it. I recently moved from a quiet town in the country to chase my big city dreams. Nothing ever goes smoothly, nothing is ever what it seems, but everyday I am getting closer. I am yet another slightly less-than-average girl trying to find her way in London, and in life.

Monday, 23 June 2014

M goes Fishing

So my meetup journey continues, and I went to Zebanno in Soho with my favourite group on Saturday. I wasn't particularly in the right frame of mind - I'd had a few too many substances by myself on Friday night and didn't end up going to sleep until 6am, so was feeling a little fragile/cranky/on a massive come-down. But I went along and wanted to make the most of it. Unfortunately there was no one there that I recognised, but everyone was friendly and after a few Kir Royale's I was back in the zone.

I hit it off with this Irish guy who looked about 40, but he seemed like the most normal one within my close proximity. And then my inability to say 'no' came into play once again. Throughout the night he was getting cosier and touchier and feely-er, until I was at the bar and he said 'it's way too busy down here, you'll never get served. Let's go for a drink upstairs'. So of course, we did. Within approximately 37 seconds of getting a drink and sitting down, he was all over me and pounced in for a kiss. I thought fuck it, it's been a while he's not at all my type but I'm not going to marry the guy, and there's no one else here any better tonight.

So I settled myself in for a good old fashion snogging sesh, but Jesus I had no idea what I was in for. When he kissed me, I thought I was back to being 12 again and wondering what the fuck I was meant to do. I'm not exaggerating, it was honestly the weirdest, most surreal non-kiss I'd ever had in my life. I don't know what he was thinking. It was honestly like kissing a fish - his mouth was just flapping open and closed at the speed of a carps tail when you catch it and drag it onto the floor of your boat. In my mind I was just thinking over and over again 'what the bloody hell is going on here? Have I been out of practice so long that this is how it's done? How do I get out of this? Try and slow down and he might slow down (he didn't). Should I try mirroring his technique - maybe that would make it better?' (It didn't).

From that point I swiftly encouraged going back downstairs to dance, thinking we would find the others and he'd leave me alone (he didn't). Instead whilst I was having a good old dance and natter with what would later turn out to be my new potential is he/isn't he gay BFF (more on that later) he proceeded to grind and hump my leg like a dog would a coffee table. I tried to wangle myself away (if you had not released, I am not great with confrontation) but eventually he tracked me down to the smoking area and suggested, in many times in many different ways 'This place is over, how about we get out of here and go back to mine?' Queue plenty more fish-kissing (fisking? I'm going to make that a thing now) and plenty more rebuttals from me, before he finally decided to go home alone and leave me there, probably thinking how desperate for him I was.

Now I have the horrible dread of bumping into him again at the next meetup. I seriously need to get some balls and start being honest, because I really do like that group and I really want to go again. By is it worth another night of fisking? I don't know if anything is worth that.

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