Life is what you make it. I recently moved from a quiet town in the country to chase my big city dreams. Nothing ever goes smoothly, nothing is ever what it seems, but everyday I am getting closer. I am yet another slightly less-than-average girl trying to find her way in London, and in life.

Saturday, 9 August 2014

If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything

I've not posted anything for a while, and I'm sorry for that. The main reason is because I've been down, depressed and miserable for a while, and I always remember my mum telling me that if you have nothing good to say, you're better off not saying anything at all. Last Sunday I ended things with Jack. I took control, I bought my life back into my own hands. And now I'm a mess.

I always think to myself that I don't regret it, because he made it clear he was not interested in me. I was just a sex toy that happened to move and breathe. I deserve better. I am worth more. But why, no matter how many times I've told myself that over the last 7 days, do I feel so hopelessly pissed off, disappointed in myself and, ultimately, full of regret? Should I have carried on, should I have kept going, turned off my emotions, and maybe, one day, he would have seen me as something more?

I know I will get over it. I only knew him for a month. The thing that I am devastated about is the fact that he was my perfect man, and I don't think I will ever get better than that. How do you move on from that? How do you accept and deal with the fact that your prince charming, the man that you dreamt about finding, has gone? That you blew your chance. That you fucked up. That you'll never find anyone better.

I don't know, and I don't know how to function as a result. People say you need to get back on the horse, but what if the only horse I want is the one I already had?

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