Life is what you make it. I recently moved from a quiet town in the country to chase my big city dreams. Nothing ever goes smoothly, nothing is ever what it seems, but everyday I am getting closer. I am yet another slightly less-than-average girl trying to find her way in London, and in life.

Sunday, 21 September 2014

My biggest unrequited love.

My relationship with London is a strange one. It's got elements of everything - passion, hate, elation, confusion, but more often recently London seems to me like an unrequited lover. I desperately try and get her attention, try and get her to take me away with her, wrap me up and sweep me off my feet in a whirlwind of excitement and jubilation. I beg her to take me, I desperately want to be caught up in the moment and see where the world will take me, be taken for a ride and come out the other side exhausted, enthralled and madly, deeply, passionately in love..

This does not happen. Instead, I am the bitter, confused lover who waits at home for her to come strolling in in the early hours of the morning. "Why didn't you take me with you?"

Everyday, it becomes clearer. London doesn't love me. She never will. I am here only here to serve her. She gives us a taste, she teases all of us, and then she takes it away, leaving us hungry, longing, and pining for her. She is always in control, and I am her humble slave. I am here when she wants me, but more often than not, I am on the outside looking in with envy, wondering why I am not good enough to go with her. Wondering why I will always be left at home alone.

London is a strange place. You feel like there is always so much going on that you can never quite be doing enough. There is always someone, who is likely very near by, just having that much more fun than you. London makes you realise that enough is never quite enough. There is always more, and as a result, there is always something missing. It's easy to get caught up in the moment, or the thousands of moments going on that are better than yours. It's easy to lose the big picture, and forget about what really matters. You get so busy chasing that high, demanding the attention of someone who is far too busy for you, and end up feeling lost, helpless, hopeless and so alone.

London is the best and worst thing that ever happened to me, and probably everyone.

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